If people are not picking us apart, we are doing it to ourselves. Women are constantly confronted with societal expectations, beauty standards and behavioral norms. Whether through the media or societal expectations, there are constant remarks made about the way women conduct themselves, with the way we look and act constantly being examined. With major platforms like Instagram and TikTok pushing unrealistic standards and rituals like the “morning sheds,” chin masks and the constant waist trainers on hand, sucking and cinching our flesh for aesthetics. Before sleep, during sleep, and immediately after regaining consciousness, perfection is expected of us. 

At times, I am utterly convinced the world forgets women are human too – made of flesh and blood. They either forget or choose to ignore. We are brought into this world at the cost of a woman’s suffering and soreness. Then, we are subjected to torment at the hands of society, in the name of beauty and validation – and our efforts are often unappreciated. Once women have reached a standard of satisfaction, we are punished for our confidence and security in ourselves. For this very reason, I appreciate the unapologetic, animalistic, shameless women in the world. 

With the return to the refined milkmaid dresses and the “clean girl aesthetic,” there is the counter archetype commonly referred to as the “messy girl.” Although the name might suggest negative connotations, it is so much more powerful. She represents the raw experience of girlhood and rejects the bounds placed on women of the past and present. No part of her is polished or filtered. There is no suppression or muted emotions. She lives freely and bears the unpleasant and tender parts of the human experience. Displaying her fragile and wounded parts is her real strength. Her vulnerability alters the fabric of what the world expects of her.

I often question, what comes after societal validation? We are expected to paint and polish our flaws. We are expected to ignore our authenticity. The public often feels they have the right to critique the fashion in which we present ourselves.  However, the “messy girl” lives in her messy reality. She is adamant about keeping her right to self-expression, as it is essential to juxtapose the artificial expectations of women in society. For this reason, the support of the unpolished, shameless and passionate women of the world is necessary. They are true to life. True to their humanity. Their refusal to perform is not only admirable but necessary. Acceptance for women in both their beauty and darkness is essential, but even without the embrace of others, they will live unapologetically. 

The need to constantly edit and polish oneself in hopes of appearing flawless or effortless is absurd. As humans, we are inherently messy. In our humanity, we experience inexplicable emotions ranging from love to rage. We must welcome all parts of ourselves, the dark, the unfathomable and the messy.